9 JAN 2018
I have a story to tell you. If you’d like to read it’s below. But without further delay since the last weekly mantra entry was 2 years, 6 months and 3 days ago — you might just want this mantra NOW!
Your mantra this week is: DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF.
My story is simple. It’s a poignant memory of a lesson I’m still learning to honor.
It was around the time I graduated or was still attending College in Boston. I was suffering inwardly with bulimia. Mentally and physically, it was cruel self-imposed torture.
At the time my bulimia was still a secret I guarded tightly.
My relationship with my boyfriend was dysfunctionally codependent. He had his own demons brewing–and I was deeply attached to him. We were living together with his mom.
I was miserable.
One day, like many others at that time, I felt sad, despondent, disconnected, confused and alone. I wasn’t aware that I had any power to take charge of myself or my destiny to create changes in life if I wanted to. I just felt I couldn’t. About everything.
Deliberate action? A plan? A purpose? Huh? What’s that? I had no clue how to or what to do.
In desperation I called my mom on the telephone. This wasn’t the first time. I can only imagine how she felt hearing me like this again but
That particular phone call left a deep imprint for me.
I was telling my mom how unhappy I was yet AGAIN. It was my norm. Unhappy with my boyfriend, unhappy with my living situation, unhappy with my body, my job, EVERYTHING. Deeply wanting different, more! 100% unsure of what to do or how to get it.
I was stuck and stagnant. Blinded by blunders of inaction.
During this most memorable phone call, my mom, who I had a rocky relationship with said to me,
“Rona, go do something for yourself. I don’t care what it is. Just do something for you. Read a book, take a walk, I don’t care it doesn’t really matter what it is…. Just Go do something, anything…for yourself.”
Something within me flipped when she said that. It was valid. It sounded a little trivial but it seemed worth trying. An affirmative mantra. I felt like I could and would do it. I did.
I’ll never forget that moment.
When we got off the phone
I sewed a patch on a pair of bluejeans.
I didn’t judge my action. It was calming, nurturing, nourishing. I felt less alone. I’d done something that was just for me. It soothed my extreme emotions.
It was weird to me too how this simple action and direction created a change in my state of being.
Taking ACTION, doing SOMETHING! the shift happened practically instantly. Like writing this blog post. But that’s a different story with the same theme.
Believe me, decades later I’m still figuring it out. Going deep, getting uncomfortable isn’t always delightful to DO.
But YOU Left neglected and unattended to lets yuck get stuck someplace you don’t desire it to be.
Have you ever felt like this? Is there anything you want to alter in your life right now?
To get through thistles on the path requires digging in with action. Being deliberate in participation to reveal your shining light of clarity. Yes. Do THAT and repeat frequently.
Listen to my mother,
Just GO and Do something for Yourself!
Let me know what you do and how it goes. What comes up? What did you turn over?
Did you learn something new about you?
I’d love to hear what you did, how it went, and what you learned.
Please feel free to share.
and again, Thanks for being here.
With deep love, streaming and beaming to You xo…
Doc Rona <3